"If I don't speak up and speak out about what I have lived through, my traumatic life events and the victories of surviving will have no meaning!
My voice was stolen from me at 4 and now I am in my 40's, I am talking if you care to listen."
Debra Lake-Roberts
This incredible, dramatic and real life portraying slide show was made by Susan Murphy.
It deeply touched me and stirred my soul. It reveals truth and reality. She has a wealth of information and educational tools to help people who live with domestic violence.
To learn more about her and her story click here
To listen to her internet radio show click here
- DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is a pattern of abusive behavior which keeps one partner in a position of power over the other partner through the use of fear, intimidation and control.
- PHYSICAL ABUSE: Grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair pulling, biting, etc. Denying medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.
- SEXUAL ABUSE: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent, e.g., marital rape, forcing sex after physical beating, attacks on sexual parts of the body or treating another in a sexually demeaning manner.
- ECONOMIC ABUSE: Making or attempting to make a person financially dependent, e.g., maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access to money, forbidding attendance at school or employment.
- EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Undermining a person's sense of self-worth, e.g., constant criticism, belittling one's abilities, name calling, damaging a partner's relationship with the children.
- PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE: Causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, partner or children, destruction of pets and property, mind games or forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work.
| The goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse. |
The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to How did this happen to me? For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.
You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.
and abuse is his method of doing it.
Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.
The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession."
You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make him stop abusing you. Only he can change himself or make the decision to stop being abusive.
The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically. Look at the diagram of the cycle shown below... you will most certainly recognize this vicious and devastating wheel spinning within your abusive relationship.
The saddest thing of all: This insidious repetitious cycle will break you so smoothly, there's an excellent chance you won't even realize you've lost yourself. For some people it may take years... but it will break you.
| Each
time you take a spin on the Cycle of Abuse you lose a little piece of
yourself. You never quite make it back up to your top again. Oh I know,
you may think and believe you have... but you haven't. Every cycle of
abuse takes you lower and lower and lower until one day, there is
nothing left of you. You just don't recover. Look closely at yourself
and your life... feel your feelings... listen to your own heart...
reach into your spirit. I now ask you... Are you really the same person you were before you began riding The Cycle of Abuse? |
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Moving on..............I found some sources to help women who want to move on, get past and reach their full potential in spite of the abuse! I applaud the people who had the vision to create and make these opportunities available. This information I personally gathered while doing internet research, I share it in hopes it will help someone.
A foundation that provides scholarship funds for single mothers who are in desperate need of money for an education. Women's Independence Scholarship Program Inc. Click here
http://www.wispinc.org
