If only someone would have told me, explained to me where I ended and someone else began! It wasn't talked about when I was a child, that is what I was told! The same holds true today...people don't want to talk about it because it is such an "uncomfortable topic"...you betcha, it is an uncomfortable topic and once you have been a victim of sexual abuse let me assure you...you live with feeling uncomfortable for years!

No one told me, so I am telling YOU! 

Are you listening...the children closest to you, NEED YOU!!! 

Do you have children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, neighbors???

They all need YOU! What are YOU going to do?

Why Do They Need YOU???

Because YOU are reading this and someone NEEDS to talk about it!

Don't use the cop out, it's none of my business or their parent's need to take care of that...no, YOU need to talk about it, because the very parent you think should take care of it, IS NOT!!!"

"Sexual abuse is the most grievous form of violence against children which not only results in certain short term after-effects but also has negative influence on the overall development of a child’s personality. Some victims of child abuse may feel lifelong after-effects of such a trauma." (stopitnow.org)

The above statement is TRUE and I am living proof that it is TRUE, no one ever expected a thing but all the signs were there!

Don’t Wait: Everyday Actions to Keep Kids Safe

The most effective prevention happens before a child is harmed. That’s where the real opportunity lies. Kids are immediately safer when parents and caregivers take the time to learn about sexual abuse and its warning signs.

How to Talk To Children

Experience shows that adults – not children- must be responsible for preventing or stopping sexual abuse. Adults must speak up and take action. At the same time, it’s important that children are taught age-appropriate information that can help protect them. Children should also know that there are adults whom they can turn to for answers to their questions or for help.

It’s hard to know how to talk to our children about sexual abuse. We don’t want to confuse and scare them unnecessarily. We may not know what to say or how to be sure that what we tell them is appropriate for their ages. Choosing when and what to say are decisions that must be made within each family. But giving children age-appropriate information about sexual abuse is as important as teaching children about other crucial issues that relate to their safety and health.

Here are some suggestions about what we can say to kids and how we can model for them healthy behaviors.

Set and respect clear guidelines

Family boundaries

All members of the family have rights to privacy in dressing, bathing, sleeping and other personal activities. If anyone does not respect these rights, an adult should clearly tell them the family rules.

How to say no

Demonstrate boundariesi by showing in your own life how to say “no.” Teach your children that their “no” will be respected, whether it’s in playing or tickling or hugging or kissing. For instance, if your child does not want to give Grandma a kiss, let the child shake hands instead. And make sure, too, that Grandma understands why this is important for the safety of the child.

Proper names of body parts

Use the proper names of body parts. Just as you teach your children that a nose is a nose, they need to know what to call their genitals. This knowledge gives children correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions that need to be asked, for telling about any behavior that could lead to sexual abuse.

Okay touch vs. inappropriate touch

Be clear with adults and children about the difference between okay touch and inappropriate touch. For younger children, teach more concrete rules such as “talk with me if anyone — family, friend, or anyone else —touches your private parts.” Also, teach kids that it is unacceptable to use manipulation or control to touch someone else’s body.

Secret vs. surprise

Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise. Both the adults and children in your life need to know how secrets may make kids unsafe. Surprises are joyful and generate excitement in anticipation of being revealed after a short period of time. Secrets exclude others, often because the information will create upset or anger. When keeping secrets with just one person becomes routine, children are more vulnerable to abuse.

Tricks

Some people who sexually abuse children use tricks or bribes to get kids to agree to behave sexually. They might offer the child a gift, their friendship, or extra privileges (like staying up late, in the case of a babysitter). They might pretend that certain types of sexual behaviors are normal and that everyone does them. When sexual abuse does take place, the person who abuses uses lies or threats to get children not to tell. Explain to your child that these are tricks, and that you, as their parent or guardian, will handle such situations. “I will always be here to keep you safe, and will always believe you and love you.” "If someone touches you in an uncomfortable way it is never your fault." These are some things that parents have told their children to reassure them.

Who to trust

Talk to your kids about who you/they trust. Give your kids permission to talk to these trustworthy adults whenever they feel scared, uncomfortable or confused about someone’s behavior toward them.

Preventing children from harming other children

Clarify the rules for children about how they are expected to play with other children. For example, if you find your child exploring his or her own body, or playing "doctor" with another child, calmly acknowledge what you've seen and set clear expectations. "It looks like you and Janie are comparing your bodies. Now get dressed. And remember, even though it feels good to take our clothes off, we keep our clothes on when we're playing." By learning some basics about child sexual development, parents can understand more about what kinds of behaviors to expect at different ages and to identify behaviors that may be cause for concern.

Age of Consent: Special Concerns for Teens

Teens need information not only about child sexual abuse but also about the laws of consent in their state. As our judicial system holds more teens responsible as adults, there are significant and long-lasting results for teens who engage in illegal sexual behaviors, even with other teens who are close in age. "I know you and your girlfriend love each other but you are 19 years old and she is 15 and that makes being sexual with each other illegal. If she gets pregnant or her parents press charges, you could have to register as a sex offender for the rest of your life. It is important for both of you to wait until you are older."

Parents and caregivers who make a commitment to speak up as soon as they have a concern, instead of waiting for certain evidence of harm, play an even more crucial role in a child’s safety. Here are some things that you and your family can do to protect children from sexual abuse, starting now.

Speak up

Inappropriate behaviors

Speak up when you see, or are subject to, any inappropriate behaviors. Interrupt and talk with the person who is making you uncomfortable. If you feel you can’t do this, find someone who is in a position to intervene. The person behaving inappropriately might need help to stop these behaviors.

Talking about it

Practice talking before there’s a problem. Say the “difficult” or “embarrassing” words out loud so that you become more comfortable using those words, asking those questions, confronting those behaviors. Having stress-free conversations with both the adults and children in your life about difficult issues gets everyone in the habit of talking openly and honestly. Show those in your life that you will listen to anything they have to say, even it’s about something embarrassing or something they’ve done wrong.

Reporting suspected abuse

Report anything you know or suspect might be sexual abuse. If nobody speaks up, the abuse will not stop.

Be prepared

Family safety planⁱ

Create a clear and easy-to-follow family safety planⁱ. Make sure that as adults, you know how to challenge each other when you see any inappropriate behaviors. Create a list noting both who to talk to when you see behavior you are unsure about and who to call if you believe you need to report sexual abuse. Teach the children about what to do and who to talk with if they are sexually threatened or touched by someone.

Helpful organizations

Make a list of people and organizations you can call for advice, information, and help (see our "Most Requested Resources" list). You can be a resource to your family and friends about how to report abuse and how to get help for everyone involved. If you know that a child has been sexually abused, be sure to get help for the child quickly, so the harm can be healed.

Be a confident parent

Understanding the tools of sexual abuse prevention builds your confidence that you have the power and knowledge to keep your kids safe. Remember, the most effective prevention involves taking action before any abuse occurs. Prevention can start in your home today. You can stop it, now.